06 3 / 2014
But I miss everyone I have ever lost. Temporarily or permanently.
And I am really tired of people exalting on how strong I must be and how it is a miracle I even get up in the morning.
I just find it tedious to be expected to continue. Extolling someone on just trying to exist is like releasing someone from jail who was never incarcerated.
06 3 / 2014
"The greatest gift you can give someone is the space to be his or herself, without the threat of you leaving."
04 3 / 2014
03 3 / 2014
I fucking miss the shit out of Ahsan. And I fucking hate it.
And I am letting myself over react about this.
26 2 / 2014
It isn’t endearing that you kept tabs on me for the past few months. It isn’t cute or meaningful that you had your people get close to me so you could keep updated on what was going on in my life while you completely shut me out.
It doesn’t fix anything. He was my roommate, and the fact that you cared enough to probe into my life through him doesn’t make you a good person.
It makes you an abuser. You abused our best friend and used him for information on me. That isn’t sweet. It’s fucked up. He is goddamn dead. He died having lied to me. He died not knowing I forgave him for it. That is so goddamn fucked.
You’re just as fucked up as I am. The only difference is everyone else fucked me up. You’re just doing it to yourself for fun.
Wake up. Life is more than being fucked.
23 2 / 2014
"I want for the last year of my life to have never happened to me."
"Suchi, I want for the last year of your life to have never happened to you, too."
23 2 / 2014
There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won’t remember and that she can’t even let herself think about because that’s when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it’s always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sign, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.
Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.
Whenever it rains you will think of her."
22 2 / 2014
If I could just erase the past year of my life…I would be so content.
18 2 / 2014
I don’t know how to do this. I miss him so goddamn much.
08 2 / 2014
"All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water. And that’s the tragedy of living."